Getting My Ass in Gear

A lot has happened recently.

I mean, there's that whole Abercrombie & Fitch bullshittery taking over the internet, for starters. I myself am not going to get into it (even though I would love to, however, I feel as if I missed the boat like I did with the Dove Real Beauty Sketches. That, and I am simply not in the head space to get ranty about the many shanangigans of fatism and discrimination within the fashion industry). I will, however, provide you with some links that I feel have been pretty empowering, entertaining,and insightful in addressing this situation! Ellen weighed in on the situation too, and Ellen is just fucking awesome, let's face it. When I do decide to sit down and write about a topic related to this situation, I think it will take a more "skinny chick who used to be a fat chick and finds this bullshit rather unnerving and offensive" point of view. More a take on the fashion industry in general, using this most recent example as a spring board. In a nut shell, the way I'm looking at this is that the CEO of A&F has provided we the people with yet another way in which to bring to the surface issues surrounding discrimination because of things like body size/shape. This can lead to all sorts of discussions surrounding discrimination, fatism, fat phobia, the fashion industry, and even dive into other topics like ageism, racism, discrimination on basis of sex, religion, orientation... Anything really. So I guess we have Mike Jeffries to thank for that.

Thank you, Mike Doucheba- erm.. Mike Jeffries. 

In other news

I am a University graduate! On Monday I made what seemed to be an impossibly long walk across a stage where I had to kneel in front of Peter Mansbridge, our school's Chancellor, listen to a bunch of Latin, make small talk with the President of the school and then receive a deree, clunk down a precarious set of stairs and make it back to my seat. I did this in one breath, no word of lie. I also don't really remember the process. I was more focused on not falling flat on my face in front of both the graduating class, their guests, and all of the people on stage. There were also a few other things on my mind.

I have mentioned in previous postage that I'm feeling really uncomfortable with my body. It's as if I'm re-experiencing puberty. It's awkward, difficult, and is something I really don't enjoy experiencing. I am more often than not forcing myself into social situations in order to make my life more "normal" and to integrate into society again. This is difficult. Dealing with my changing body, the ED thoughts, and the feelngs of insecurity, vulnerability and as if I am being judged constantly by on-lookers is less than a fucking stroll in the park in the merry month of May (which, for us, hasn't been so merry. It snowed yesterday. It fucking snowed). Anyway, for me to be able to face a situation where all attention is actually directed at me for a certain amount of time, and pull through it like a pro was causing a lot of anxiety and fear. But hey, I got through it, and I was able to focus on the fact that graduating this year meant so much more than just "graduating". This past Monday was a symbol of success and perseverance. I was able to actually complete my degree and fulfill a part of my academic dream (graduating with an Honors Degree in a  field that I love). It shows that I am still driven, and that I've got fight. So, if I've got fight in this area, why can't I continue to fight ED? It's fucking exhausting, let me tell you, but I'm told it's going to be worth it. And I believe it. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but I believe it.

In the end I graduated with a First Class Honors Degree in Sociology, a minor in Psychology, all with distinction. Don't ask me how I did it, I wonder that myself. All I know is that I was fully prepared to lose this year, but with the help, understanding and support of the fine professors and friends I have at my University, I was able to accomplish this milestone. 

Some of you may recognize him as chief correspondent for CBC News and anchor of The National. he's also Mount Allison University's Chancellor, go figure.

All hooded and graduated, bitches.

I'm really not in the headspace right now to talk about much else. Things have been quite rough lately, I'm not going to lie. I will tell you that I haven't slacked off, that I'm working as hard as ever, and that I have no intentions on giving up. I guess I'm just sick of coping, sick of putting on the brave face...

sick of being sick

I know it sounds like I'm wallowing in my own self pity. "Poor me, poor me, my life sucks and I'm sick". This is not my intention. There are ups and downs in this battle. ED is rearing his ugly ass head, and it's causing me to have a lot of pretty shitty days. The last thing I want to hear or tell myself is to "stay positive", that "it'll get better", but hey, I guess that's the reality of it. All of this shit takes time. This doesn't mean I've got to like it. I'll keep on truckin', it's the only choice I've got.

Until next time,
Heath