Be Brave for what You Believe in

There's the life that everyone else sees, and there's the life I see.  Who I am, who I really am... For me, and for many others, are two extremely different worlds. It's moments like these I want to bang my head against a wall over and over repeating

 "why can't you just BE". 

We don't see the severity of all of these invisible plagues that so many deal with on a daily basis. Something as simple as going for an ice cream cone, going to the movies, engaging in social activity because you WANT to. Seems like it'll never happen, to be honest. But I guess this is why I keep on fighting. I want it to happen, and it will.

I just wish I knew when.

I fear myself. I fear my insecurity. I fear my sickness. I fear my struggle.

Relapse.
Recovery.
Happiness.
Love.

I fear it all.

I am numb. I don't want to be numb anymore.

Sometimes I just don't know how to keep going. I just do. I fight because I know I have to and I know I want to. But I'm tired.

I'm exhausted.

I need this to end.

And it's up to me.

I'm just scared of how difficult this is already, and how difficult it's going to be.

I want to smile and mean it.

I want freedom.

I just want to be free.